It’s Been 10 Years…
Today, January 13, 2022, marks ten years I boarded a plane to O’ahu to begin anew. It was cold in Jersey and I was happy to get away; I had been counting down the days since my acceptance letter to HPU. When I initially began to ponder ways to escape to the island, I knew there was only one way I could make such a move… I had to go back to school. I was so entranced on the idea of getting away that I didn’t pay much attention to the program I had applied to and wouldn’t until my first week of classes. My acceptance letter lit a fire inside of me I had been waiting for but couldn’t find a way to ignite. For four years I was filled with so much emotion and movement and a severe disconnection with myself that I was beginning to believe I would never feel true happiness. I briefly spent some time with someone during the summer of 2009. The way they spoke about the sea, the people, the culture, and the simplicity of life, made me do everything I possible could to find myself there permanently.
I visited O’ahu three times before making my final move. Each time I stepped foot off the plane, onto to the island herself, I felt at peace. I would close my eyes, take a deep breath, and embrace the feeling of being home. That feeling of “home” is what drove me to want to move 6,000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew. I had homes, but nothing felt like home and hadn’t in a long time.
Ten years ago, I embraced my journey. I looked forward to starting over all on my own, yet that idea had been altered when I met Michael two weeks prior to my departure. I was no longer going to start ALL over on my own. I was going to start a new life with a new person who had chosen to embrace the venture with me. And I was grateful.
I withdrew from HPU a few weeks after the semester started. Although I wanted to earn a master’s degree, I was not prepared to endure classes geared toward teaching English as a second language. After all, I didn’t speak a language other than English and I barely made it through six years of Spanish. My desire to permanently be on the island blurred my vision when applying for a grad program. When you’re so desperate for change, you don’t always see things clearly.
Michael and I enjoyed our six-month excursion on the island we called home. Four months into our relationship, I became pregnant with Hunter. At 25, we weren’t exactly making moves towards our future. Even though we weren’t ready to be parents, and even though we were still getting to know one another, we were ready to embrace family life. And so, we moved back to the mainland.
I had never planned to leave as quickly as I (we) did, yet I still appreciate the time spent surrounded by the beautiful sea. The sound of her waves continues to inspire me. The ocean has become a place I visit when I feel lost and need clarity. She became a friend of mine after years of disregarding her call. It was during my time on O’ahu where she reminded me of who I was. She has since fueled my passions. The ocean has, in a way, helped shape the person I am today. Without her, I may still be lost.