Girl Mom Pt. 1

I don’t think anyone will actually understand how important it was for me to have a daughter. And yes, I do know how that sounds, but being blessed with a daughter has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. My parents separated when I was very young. Because of this, I didn’t grow up with my mother. I saw my mother on the weekends and spent most of my childhood with my father and stepmother.

My father made sure that I grew up with a mom, whether I was with him or with my mother. I was lucky enough to have a grown-up with two mothers: my biological mother and a woman who fell in love with me and became my mother. Although I am not her biological child, my stepmom has always made me feel as though I was her child. I do not have any memories of my father and mother together or any memories of the three of us as a family. My memories actually begin with two families: my dad and stepmom and mom and stepdad. Both my parents remarried when I was about 4/5. So, for me, having four parents always felt normal.

Not growing up with my mother or having those mother-daughter memories is why having a daughter of my own was so important to me. At the beginning of my second pregnancy, I prayed that I was pregnant with a girl. I yearned to create moments with my own daughter that I didn’t have with my mom. Even though I had two mothers growing up, there had always been something missing… that is, until Emmy was born.

When I lie down with Emersyn at night and watch her fall asleep, I can’t help but stare at her all while taking in her sweetness, her innocence, her intellect, her unconditional love.... she is what dreams are made of. When she rolls over and throws her arm over my neck, my heart melts. When she looks at me and says, “You’re the best mommy in the whole world,” I pick her up and squeeze her. She fills me with so much love and joy that the void I once felt is no longer a reminder of the moments I never got a chance to have. The memories I am creating now override all those blank pages. My book is closed, but Emersyn’s is just beginning.

I want to ensure her book is filled with all the moments and memories I didn’t have. She deserves it. And I deserve to go above and beyond for my baby girl.